I was sitting at my computer working on a project. My mind drifted a bit asking myself, "Am I on the right path? What are my immediate next steps?"
Then I heard a voice telling me to turn around right now and I'd get my sign and clarity. I started to go back to my project.
"Turn around NOW," the voice said. This time much stronger,
"Okay, okay, I'll turn around," I thought.
Hmm, nothing. Then I looked down. There was a big wasp on my carpet. I gasped taken back. He managed to find his way out my open patio door. I immediately googled wasp totem. This is what I found.
When Wasp comes buzzing into your life:
You are being reminded that simply thinking about your dreams will not make them a reality as quickly as going out and doing it. Make a plan, keep working towards it and let nothing get in your way. Perseverance, desire and action are what is called for. Apply your passion to the reality you wish to achieve!
Alternatively Wasp is letting you know that resistance to change is by definition self sabotage. It’s time to allow yourself the notion that all things are possible, and that you deserve to have all your dreams come true. Be the best you can be!
I got my sign through the teaching of that wasp. A message for me that while visualizing my goals and dreams and writing them down is important, the action part is also needed.
I love the interview conducted by Oprah Winfrey with Comedian Jim Carrey on the power of visualization. A broke and depressed Carrey trying to make it in Hollywood wrote himself a check for $10 million for "acting services rendered," post-dated it 10 years and kept it in his wallet. The check remained there until it deteriorated but Carrey eventually made it: he earned millions for movies like Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Dumb and Dumber.
Oprah said, "So visualization works if you work hard."
Jim Carrey responded, "Well yeah, that's the thing. You can't just visualize and then go eat a sandwich."
Spring. I was ready for spring. The blossoming of things, the smell of green grass, and moving forward on some things. So when we received a snow storm the first day of Spring, I could hear the words, “thank you for your patience.”
Seems I keep hearing that phrase.
People say I’m a person of patience, however, if they were inside my head watching my thoughts do somersaults and cartwheels, they would realize it’s only partly true. I get in the mode of not wanting to wait and when I do have to wait, it's usually about timing. It’s not the right time yet. Divine timing. Waiting for things to line up. Maybe not even meant to be at all. And all along I feel I’m running out of time.
I usually find these delays do bring the right connection, the insights and foundation needed first for learning and stability, some kind of growth in me that prepares me for the next steps or next level, and sometimes it’s a re-direction of my plans the new path even better than I could imagine.
I did take note of my external conditions realizing they were perhaps a representation of what needed to be going on inside. I’ve been reading about the bear and evidently my coming out of hibernation is suppose to be a slow one. A yawn and stretch and not dark roasted coffee speed.
A turning inward or at least a 3/4 turn to think about the direction I want to take before moving forward. A few road blocks, closing doors and shut doors have been placed in front of me while out of the corner of my eye, I see new doors opening. I have to trust I know what to do and to follow my heart.
“Bear medicine teaches us introspection, aiding us to digest our experiences and to discover that we have within ourselves the answers to all our questions. We all have bags of wisdom, if only we slow down and listen to what our intuition, our inner knowing voice is telling us. It is useful to be with yourself at times, so you can be yourself and are able to uncover your own answers to whatever challenge you are facing. On the other hand, just like Bear you need to know when to come out of ‘hibernation’ and to interact with others.” -- Ina Woolcott
Most the snow is melted but there is still a chill in the air. So some introspection this afternoon and then an evening with friends. An outward motion for starting to move forward.
Wednesday it will be almost 60 degrees. Let’s see what doors open that day. I’m ready. Bring on the coffee.
In the meantime, patience.
“Work on my newsletter.” Check
“Call libraries about doing a presentation.” Check.
“Know I’m Wonder Woman and realize I’m also human and need some downtime.”
I like my “to do” lists. They keep me organized and give me a sense of accomplishment as I check things off. And if I do something that wasn’t on the list, I’ll write it in and check it off. I have an organizer with space for daily entries where I write my “to do” lists. I usually try and cram as much as I can in the space allowed and then scribble sideways in the margins. I know I’ll never get it all done but there is a compulsion to do as much as I can.
Luckily yoga was on my list. Ok, I have to go to yoga. It’s written down.
I got there early. Rolled out my mat and sat among the other early arrivals. The teacher told us to go ahead and get into Savasana – a resting pose.
“You’ll get a head start over everyone else,” she said. Then smiled realizing what she said.
“Hurry up and wait,” she laughed.
I lay there thinking about all the things I needed to do creating new lists in my head. The last person came in feeling late but she was actually right on time. While in Savasana, the teacher calmly reassured us there was no where to be. Nothing to do.
“Sometimes we need to slow down or stop so happiness can catch up with us,” she said.
I had this image of “happiness” with running shoes huffing and puffing thinking “what the….I have a gift. I’m just trying to give this person a gift. Someone stop this person, trip them, whatever it takes.”
I thought about all the things I feel have tripped me up. Things seen as mistakes or stumbling blocks that actually in the long run were to my advantage. Waking up late one morning and missing my usual yoga class and trying out One Love Yoga where I now practice yoga and provide Reiki and workshops. Tired of looking online for a new apartment deciding to go out to eat instead and meeting people who guided me to my current apartment. Not being able to stay at someone’s house overnight while out-of-town and forming a new friendship by staying with someone else. Jobs not received. Relationships that ended.
So, if you feel like you are getting tripped up on things, maybe happiness is just trying to catch up with you.
My blog is accounts of my observations, living life, lessons learned, seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary, the paintbrush and palette for inspiration. Hopefully it opens you up to new worlds and lets you know that you are not alone in this one.